It’s 0130 and I can’t sleep. I’ve got that many thoughts and ideas running around in my head and I’m really unsettled. I’ve been struggling for a few weeks with different life stuff. Work, relationship, money, etc…
The doctor signed me off with stress and I’m about to go into my 3rd week of being away from work. Obviously I’m out of my routine which doesn’t help. It’s surprising how much being in a routine helps with recovery. That’s another reason why I’ve had to end my relationship. As much as I’d love to find ‘the one’, I’ve realised I’m just not ready. I haven’t got the time to put into a relationship and I need to concentrate on staying sober now more than ever. I expected something to happen once I’d hit a year sober because in the back of my mind getting 12 months under my belt was always my main goal and I wasn’t really sure if I’d make it. Yep, this staying sober thing really is one day at a time. For a few months I kept questioning how I’d feel when I hit a year sober. Will I get the ‘what now?’ or will I just carry on regardless? The feeling I got when I saw that ‘1 Year Sober’ on my counter was amazing. I’ve never felt so proud of myself and the whole day was amazing. But since then I’ve felt like I need to shift up a gear. I feel like I need to take the next step. If anyone else has had similar feelings I’d love to hear from you.
I’ve been thinking about doing some kind of volunteer work for a while. I Googled ‘alcohol recovery work’ a while back but most of the results wanted people to have 1 or 2 years sobriety under their belt. Well, I’ve got that now so I’ve sent some emails off and we shall wait and see who replies. I don’t even know if I’ll be any good at working with people and their addiction problems but no harm in enquiring I suppose. Some do say the best support workers are those that have been through the process themselves. I’m not sure at the moment whether it’s something I want to do full time or just me wanting to give something back. It’s very confusing but I do know I want to help people change their life the same way I have.
So, tomorrow is day one of me getting my life back on track. I’ve been thinking of the routine I had when I started on this recovery journey and what kept me focused and I’m going to get some of that back. I’ve gained 12lbs since July so healthy eating is a priority. Then I’ll get back into my walking and hopefully the running will follow. A few years ago I attended the local Buddhist temple and learned to meditate which was a huge help in the beginning. Especially with my anxiety so I’m going to look into that again. I’m also thinking of going back to SMART Recovery meetings. I haven’t been to a meeting for almost a year now as I thought I didn’t need them. Well I didn’t really as my online recovery network are amazing but there’s no harm in going to one and seeing how I feel. I’ve been reading a lot more recovery blogs which is helping too. It really is amazing what us bloggers who have never met in real life are doing for each other.
OK. So tomorrow is day one of the next gear. I will eat healthy, I will exercise, I will meditate and I will look for my nearest SMART Recovery meeting. For now, I’m going to try and get some sleep 💤