There’s very few occasions that drinking did make me genuinely happy. At the time I thought I was happy and enjoying myself but now I realise that a lot of the time I was drinking at home and not really enjoying it. There was even times when I was out with friends and I wasn’t enjoying myself that much to begin with. It’s the drinking culture I found myself in. Everyone else is out so I must go out – FOMO at its highest level!
I’ve said it in other posts. The morning after the night before my anxiety and depression would be awful sometimes. There were days when I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed and I couldn’t find the energy to do anything at all. This would lead me to chase all the wrong things in life. Because chasing the wrong things leads to excitement and a bit of excitement gives you energy! Problem solved, or so I thought. My vices would be alcohol, sex and chocolate. I’m sad – get drunk, I’m lonely – have sex, I’m bored – eat chocolate. This was a regular routine for me and it all boils down to addictive behaviour. Also, non of these situations ever made me feel happier because I’d end up feeling even worse the day after. Getting drunk would make me feel even worse, I’d feel horrible for just having sex for sex sake and the chocolate would make me feel fat!
These days I’ve probably gone a bit boring but I know boring is good. It’s made me a lot happier and I can now appreciate the smaller and quieter things in life. If I’m feeling sad I’ll go for a walk, go to the gym or just let the feelings happen. I can’t be on cloud nine all the time and I know that now. I know it’s OK to feel a bit shit sometimes. If I start feeling lonely I’ll give a friend a call and talk about it. I never used to talk about these things before but now I know it’s better to talk than get wasted and hope the feelings disappear. I rarely get bored as I’m in the habit of keeping myself busy.
I turned 39 a couple of weeks ago and it was one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years. It was my first sober birthday and I was treated to a lovely weekend with an amazing person who I’m enjoying dates with in a way it should be. It was a real eye opener going back to some of my old haunts. It’s amazing what you notice when you’re not fuelled with alcohol 😂
I’m happier going on a night out and waking up sober.
I’m happier having money in the bank and not having to dread looking at my account and wondering how much I spent the previous night.
I’m happier being 2 stone lighter because I’m not stuffing my face with kebab and chips at 3am most weekends.
I’m happier to be dating as ME and forming a real connection without the need for alcohol.
I’m happy to stay at home and binge watch Netflix!
All the above would have never happened whilst I was drinking alcohol. Because alcohol didn’t allow me to be the real me and live the way I want to live.
I’m 100% happier than I was and long may it continue 😊