207 days sober
As the tag line says on this site “sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised”. That is very true but getting sober has actually brought a lot more to my life than I originally expected. Obviously, I knew I’d feel better sober but the main thing I wanted in the early days was to stop feeling depressed, anxious, worried and constantly knackered. I suppose I just wanted my overall health to improve.
I was pretty scared of life without alcohol and like many other people I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to have fun without it. Alcohol had become my comfort blanket and whatever life threw at me whether it be something I struggled to cope with or something celebratory the booze would come out. Life was getting out of control and every single problem I had was surrounded by alcohol. I’ve made some monumental mistakes over the years, chosen the wrong people to be around, ended up in trouble with the law, treated people badly, messed up at work, put my wonderful and unbelievably supportive family through a nightmare and it’s all because I wasn’t thinking straight due to alcohol consumption.
I’m a lot more in control now. There was a time when I felt powerless over alcohol and the struggle to say no was so overwhelming. I’ve amazed myself these last few months at how much control I have and how easy it has become to just say no. I’m making more mindful decisions and taking my time to think situations through, sometimes well in advance which I would have never done before. I decide which thoughts I give the most attention to and I know what and who is good for me now. I have well and truly put control back in my system.
Something amazing has happened with sobriety as well. I have a much more positive outlook on life. I feel like I’ve had to completely hit rock bottom and build myself back up to get to this point. A drink problem makes you feel unbelievably lonely. You don’t feel like you’re worthy of anything good so isolation becomes the norm and I’d sit alone listening to music and drowning my sorrows. Eventually when I’d guzzled enough booze I would feel in the happiest place ever. Sometimes that place was amazing and that’s why I would always want to go back. Because my worries and fears would all fade away. Then, bang! The morning after they would be back only 20 times worse. Along the way I’ve been ashamed that I had to give everything up to get where I am today but what an amazing achievement and hopefully I’ve got 40+ years ahead of me. I’m looking at the future completely different and with real excitement.
I’m a lot stronger than I was and I know I’m capable of a lot more. I’m focused and determined to give the things I’ve always thought about a go. Alcohol made me doubt myself for so many years and now it’s my time to go and prove what I can do. I’m not going to be scared anymore. I’m not going to let the walls get higher. Instead I’m going to kick them down and deal with everything that’s been holding me back. I’ve stopped comparing myself to others and I’m strong enough to continually work on myself and be the best person I possibly can be. Instead of bringing the wine out when challenges arise I know I can focus, think clearly and deal with the problem ahead. I now have the strength to get through anything.
It’s pretty crazy how my life has gone over the last 8 months. It’s as though I was meant to move to the Isle of Man for my own rehab. So I could get sober, deal with all my problems and begin to be the person and live the life I was always supposed to. I find it hard to believe that this has all been for nothing. In fact, I know it was meant to be. So I can start living this amazing life that we only get one chance at and hopefully help others along the way. If you’re struggling with alcohol or any other addiction and want to knock it on the head, no matter how far away from reality it may seem or how difficult you may think it is, if I can do it, you can!
Getting sober has given me self worth. I am free from the horrible situation I got myself into and had I not admitted I was struggling with addiction I would never have been able to discover who I truly am. I’d got to the point where I thought I was worthless and didn’t deserve to have the best of anything in life. That was it for me and I would just trundle along in life going from one disaster to another but always coping along the way, constantly reassuring myself I’ve been through worse. After almost 7 months sobriety I now know that I am worthy of the best things in life. After all they are free! Sobriety has given me my confidence, my anxiety is under control and my depression rarely makes an appearance. I’m passionate about things again, I’m loving, gentle and free. I massively devalued myself and now I know I am strong, capable, intelligent and I am determined to succeed! 🙌