I can’t believe it’s been five whole years since I last posted. To be honest I haven’t even thought about this site for a very long time, until I had a conversation last weekend. A lot has happened since then but to answer the question you’re waiting for, I am 5 years and 11 months sober! It’s not been an easy ride but definitely worth every battle and all the changes I’ve made.
I’ve also been single for 5 years … I didn’t think I was capable of that but now I’m very happy with life and love my space. It would be nice to meet someone and settle down but I’m in no hurry. Sobriety has become the single most important part of my life. So much so, I’ve probably isolated myself a little bit.
There was so many things I did in the beginning to keep myself busy that I don’t do now. When I look back, I just don’t recognise that person anymore. I’d literally have to live life hour by hour and have plans written down what I would do throughout the day just to keep my thoughts from wandering to drink … walk five miles, run three miles, meditate for an hour, write 300 words, shop daily! All so I was kept busy hour by hour over the weekend. During the week I was fine because work kept me busy.
It doesn’t cross my mind to have a drink now and I gave up alochol free drinks a home a long time ago. I’ll have them when I’m out for a meal but I’m just not interested otherwise. I’m fine being around people having a pint as well. That’s something that a lot of people don’t expect but in my opinion it’s my problem and I’d rather people behave how they usually would. The only time I feel really uncomfortable is when the occasion is about drinking. Not because I’m worried I’ll want a drink, because I know I won’t, but because being in that environment takes me back to the old version of me and I’ve moved on so much I’d just rather not. I used to force myself into those situations because I’d be worried about what people thought but I feel, when you’ve worked really hard to get where you are, being in your comfort zone is the best option. People go on all the time about pushing yourself and “do something you’ve always been afraid of”. How about “I’m very happy in my comfort zone and I’d rather not thank you very much”?!
I’ve also had some health issues and diagnosis which has answered a lot of issues but I’ll talk about those another time. I’m back for good and not going anywhere.
Claire xx
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