What a pair

My lovely dad would have been 81 today but unfortunately, we lost him to a brain tumour 4 years ago. I woke up feeling crap so thought I’d do something positive and write another post.

It’s crazy how such a small thing can keep you from one of the most important decisions of your life. I would come up with any ridiculous excuse to stop drinking and again, it would be “I’ll start on Monday”. Along with a few other things this wine glass kept me from making the decision for about 12 months. I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s a lovely wine glass. It came with a matching coaster too so no red wine marks – bonus! My mum loves her stocking fillers at Christmas …

Anyway, when I was absolutely 150% serious and wanted to stop drinking, I needed to come up with some way of using this glass because it would only end up in the cupboard collecting dust otherwise, which would have done my head in thinking it was going to waste. The last thing I wanted was to start thinking “I’ll have one more so then it’s getting used.”

One day I was just watching some crap on TV and couldn’t really concentrate. Then an idea popped in my head. I’ll buy some beads and drop one in my favourite wine glass every day I’m sober. After all, it is one day at a time and I need as much motivation as I can find. Genius idea! I made my purchase on eBay and there’s over 100 beads in there now …

So what started off as something that kept my drinking going turned into something that’s helping me with the most challenging yet best decision I’ve ever made – to stay sober!

Well done, Mum. You’ve pulled it out the bag again and I love you more than you’ll ever know! Xxx

P.S. I got asked for I.D in Tesco last night. I’m not sure which is funnier, the fact I’m 38 or the fact it’s alcohol free!!

18 thoughts on “What a pair

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  1. I am replying to this as Claire’s Mum. I actually bought her that glass as a censure on how much she was drinking but she didn’t realise that. As a Mum you never stop worrying about your offspring but when they have a problem with alcohol it make the worry even worse. We have always had a close relationship and mostly Claire has been honest with me. However when a long term relationship had broken down, probably because of her drinking, she seemed to always be searching for the next thing whether it was a new job or a new partner. Every time these things failed I knew it was because of her drinking and told her so and she would agree. Many times she said she was going to get help but then the next day everything would be fine and she would swear she didn’t have a problem. I even said to her on many occasions that if she couldn’t do it for herself then do it for me. I now realise this was futile as the only person she should do it for was herself. I really don’t want to go into the things that she did during that time but the anxiety and worry I had caused me many sleepless nights.
    When she moved to the Isle of Man I was very concerned. When she had needed help before she was an hour’s drive away, now she was on an island and it would mean either a flight or four hours on a boat. For the first two weeks she was still drinking and I would get the midnight rambling call. One night she was out of control sending WhatsApp messages and for the first time she was really belligerent and argumentative, so much so I told her not to contact me again. Of course I didn’t mean it and the next day she rang me really tearful because she could see what she had sent the night before. I think that was the catalyst for her to look at her life and come to the realisation that her life was in a downward spiral. I have to confess that I thought I had heard it all before and didn’t hold out much hope, but I am so pleased that she made that decision because now she is the person who she is meant to be.
    I am immensely proud of my wonderful daughter, all through her life I have loved her unconditionally but now I love spending time with her because the spectre of alcohol isn’t hanging over our time together…x

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  2. Claire couldn’t have wished for a more caring and loving mother , you have seen her at her best, and no doubt at her worst , but you have still been there for her and supported her throughout her recovery, you have every right to be proud of your strong and lovely daughter, I wish her all the best for the future..x

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  3. Claire, that was such a wonderful idea to change the purpose of the glass! It’s a constant, visual reminder of the huge change you’ve made to your life!
    I didn’t know the ‘old Claire’… she seems a million miles from the Claire I know… my funny, determined, inspirational friend!
    I believe your move to the island was probably the best decision you’ve ever made! And equally the hardest!
    The post from your lovely Mum puts it into perspective for me… the worry she must have felt with you being further away. But she had to leave you to do this for you! And you have! Amazing! Very well done to you and let’s look forward to filling ‘Claire’s Glass’ full of those beads! Proud of you X

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  4. It’s difficult to admit it to anyone let alone people who love you. I’m not in denial and have no doubt that people can see the obvious. It feels so shameful and overwhelming that I don’t know what to do. The sober me would make me think! The drunk me which I am well aware is disgraceful is sometimes the easiest option. This vicious circle has to end at some point. It’s coming…

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    1. I thought about going to AA for a few years and never went because I’m not keen on the whole religious part of it. Then I plucked the courage up to go to SMART Recovery. Just listening to some of the others there confirmed to me that I had a problem and made me realise I wanted to change that and do something about it. It took years for me to want that though. I guess it can’t be forced. I wish you all the best. Xx

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  5. I’m one of those people, where every event I do needs to be associated with alcohol!. I am scared I won’t be as fun nor sociable as I am with alcohol’ (although I do hold down a sociable job and am sociable with people). I do love to drink, especially after a hard days work. I lost my mother 2 yrs ago to a terminal illness. Although I have maintained my job and can focus. Coming home is where it starts. My boyfriend works nights away. My son on Xbox. I seem to reach for the bottle for comfort. I’ve noticed I am doing it more and more!. I don’t understand why I do it. It’s not joy, it’s not comfort….. I think it could be loneliness or habit even. I want to stop. Am just scared of reality I think

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      1. Hang tight, my friend. You’ve come a long way. Your words to me yesterday were so helpful and I can tell you that as much as I wanted to pick up that bottle yesterday, waking up today knowing that I didn’t feels so refreshing and empowering. I have given in time and time again, the cycle is a vicious one, but one that can be broken. Write about it. Even if you don’t care to post it here, just write. Free writing is a big help to me, it doesn’t need to be perfect or edited, just let whatever you are feeling flow onto the page. Turn your struggles over to the writing – maybe you’ll be able to tap into that same release that I was able to hit yesterday. Big hugs and thoughts being sent your way this week.

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