Feeling comfortable with vulnerability

When I first started this blog I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel about everyone knowing my personal battles and circumstances. It made me feel extremely vulnerable but it was also a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m pretty much an open book. I tend to be more comfortable by getting everything out there. I’m not sure why and it can probably come across as a bit narcissistic but it isn’t. I’ve been accused of narcissism by ex partner’s but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact I’m reading a book about the Greek god at the moment and some narcissism is actually good for us. It’s more a case of me needing external validation as I’m quite vulnerable, can be shy, and I definitely lack confidence in a lot of areas which some people find hard to believe. I’ve got used to putting on a front. I can assure you social situations definitely freak me out and that’s when I’m most uncomfortable, but I deal with it fine now and usually end up having a great time. I’m glad I’ve written this blog and it’s something I’m really proud of. It takes balls to admit you’ve got a drink problem and struggle with certain issues. A lot of people struggle with mental health and it’s not something to be ashamed of. The more people talk to each other about it, the more we can help each other. It helps me massively just knowing that someone else goes through the same thought process as me. It makes you realise you’re not going mad or a crazy arse paranoid freak – anxiety and depression has made me feel all of these in the past. A long time ago I went through a few weeks of really paranoid episodes and I hardly went out the house for 7 weeks because I was convinced someone was going to stab me to death but that’s for another time … or maybe I’d been watching too many movies …

Anyway, quite a few people have been in touch recently asking me how to quit the alcohol and sort out depression. As much as I’d love to help you and give you that magic pill or press that button and make it all go away, I can’t and nothing will take it away unless YOU do something about it. I don’t want to sound harsh but it’s not easy and although a lot of what I post on social media is really positive and it may look like I’m finding it easy, I’m not. Quitting alcohol is the single most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s taken about 10 years, many hours on the phone to several professionals from various organisations and 4 attempts for me to get to this point. The most difficult time for me was the first 2 months and I had to change a lot of things in my life and put things in place to stop me thinking about drink. I can, however point you in the right direction. I’ve already written a blog about my first five steps. I can’t stress enough how much talking to a professional helps. The list of people, groups, apps, websites that I connect with daily is huge. I have to still keep checking in with all the resources because if I don’t then I’ll open myself up to relapse. I’m constantly reminding myself of why I quit drinking and why I can’t drink alcohol. A massive trigger for me this week has been the weather. I didn’t expect it and it took me by surprise because I’m still within my first year of sobriety so every month, anniversary, season is probably going to throw another obstacle in my face. Yesterday afternoon at work everyone was talking about finishing work and going straight to the beer garden for a few drinks in the sun. As much as I’d have loved to join them I had to stay strong and know that it’s not in my best interest. I woke up early feeling fresh this morning, went for a long walk in the sunshine, got my jobs done, went shopping and made the most of the day. The old me would have rolled in at 2am after several hours on the beer, probably had a dirty kebab on the way home, collapsed on my bed fully clothed, woke up feeling like shit at lunch time, spent the day hungover and completely wasted my weekend because I’d be back on it today (because that’s how drink problems work) and have a crap Sunday as well.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, unless you REALLY are prepared to make changes in your life you’re probably not going to stop drinking alcohol or sort your mental health issues out. Obviously, this is my opinion and I may be completely wrong but there you go.

A list of groups, websites, apps that may help:-

I hope that helps 🙂

Thanks for reading.

Claire ❤ xxx

 

4 thoughts on “Feeling comfortable with vulnerability

Add yours

  1. Love the list of communties for people to use, Claire!
    And yes, you really do need to be willing to make life changes!
    So far, I have no regrets getting sober, but I KNOW I would have many regrets if I didn’t!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

  2. In no way are you a narcissist! I was married to one for nine years…so I have some insight on the subject. 😉 I love that you have been sharing so much of yourself, our stories are so important to build connections, and you’ve obviously been doing that. Thank you for this post, thank you for sharing that list for folks looking for some resources. You continue to be an inspiration, my friend! -Tracie

    Liked by 1 person

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