It’s not all hunky dory

I’m almost 6 months sober and I’ve realised I probably started to get a bit cocky about my recovery as at times I have found it easier than I expected. Some times it’s been awful! As I mentioned in my last post the weather has been a massive trigger for me and it’s still affecting me and has done for most of the week. This has made me realise I need to deal with it as soon as possible as I’m due to go on holiday in a few weeks. My SMART Recovery meeting is tonight and I’ve been thinking about going but I’m putting it off until next week for now. I haven’t been since November. I’m exhausted with having to stay focused so I’m going to have a chilled night in front of the TV. I’m supposed to be going for a run but that can be done in the morning before work.

It just goes to show that no matter how well people are doing in their recovery, there will always be something to niggle with their positive thoughts. It’s that devil on the shoulder saying “just the one won’t harm”. But I know so well that just the one is exactly the thing that does ALL the harm.

These triggers have also made me realise just how much I was drinking last summer and how much I relied on alcohol to get me through the difficult times. The fact I’ve done what I have over this last 6 months and achieved what I have despite all the setbacks proves alcohol really doesn’t help with anything at all. It gets you pissed, torments your thought process, clouds your judgement and sets you up for a shit next day. At this moment in time I have no desire to drink alcohol whatsoever but I do, however need to sort out this ‘drinking thoughts’ thing. I think it’s more of a habit than a need. Last year if the sun was shining and I was walking past a bar after work my automatic response would be to get a beer and sit in the sun. I still have that thought process and I realised this walking home from work when the sun was shining. It did take me by surprise and I had to remind myself that I couldn’t do that and needed to go straight home. This made me feel slightly down. Not because I wanted to go to the pub and drink beer but because I was reminded I have a problem with drink, and sometimes that makes me feel sad.

So, although it may look like I’m doing great, some days are definitely not. Today is one of those days and I just thought I’d let you know because it’s important people do know.

Tomorrow will be a more positive day starting with a 30 min run at 6am 🤞

Thanks for reading.

11 Comments

  1. I’m not anywhere near 6months sober yet, but I know what you mean about the ‘’drinking thoughts’. Also so true what you said about feeling sad not because you want a drink but because you have this problem. I feel that too. I was feeling awesome this morning, like invincible awesome. Then I’m not sure what happened, but throughout the day I just started to feel kind of sad and tormented by the ‘drinking thoughts’. So glad you posted this today, as I have needed to read it. Makes me feel so much less alone xx 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Having things to do, like your SMART meeting, can be something to focus you on, and a great drinking deterrent. However, if the pressure of attending that gets you struggling, there’s no harm in putting it off. Pressure is one of the main reasons we relapse!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. It took me a long time to “un-romance” wine. Now I like sitting in the sun with an iced coffee, or tonic and lime. But this took over a year.
    Cloudy weather is very depressing to me. I have a hard time doing anything, I overeat, and feel melancholy. So I understand this.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Those drinking thoughts are tough and I look forward to them fading even more than they already have. I’m right there with you, it gets so much better but the thoughts are still there from time to time – some days more than others. I had that thought yesterday afternoon, just walking through my kitchen I was suddenly struck that I wanted a glass of whiskey. It was out of the blue, the only trigger was putting away my dishes in the cabinet. I went for a walk, instead. I’m glad you shared this because it isn’t easy all the time, but I suspect it will continue to get easier for you and me, and for everyone else working on sobriety. I hope you had a good run!

    Liked by 2 people

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