Although I do love my own company being on the island and not knowing many people has started to make me feel really lonely. I’ve been going back home nearly every weekend and craving time with my friends and family. This also became apparent when I started dating a couple of months ago. Although we had a great time together it quickly became clear that we both had issues that we need to deal with before starting any kind of relationship with anyone. Ending things has massively affected me and caused my depression and anxiety to flare up like it hasn’t done in a very long time. I haven’t been interested in anything – this blog, running, the gym, socialising. I’m also not eating properly which I know doesn’t help but it’s difficult when you don’t have an appetite. I know this all sounds ridiculous because I was only dating for a couple of months but that was a time when I felt really really happy with everything. She understood my recovery, was incredibly supportive and I really thought I’d met someone very special. When I think about it now I was probably confusing it all with loneliness and she took away that feeling for a short while. I’ve clearly got some underlying issues that need to be sorted out before I even think about getting into a relationship with anyone. I’m just looking forward to being back to my normal self and feeling happy and settled again.
The most important thing is that during all this unsettled time I haven’t wanted to drink once. I’ve thought about it and thought how easy it would be to ‘get rid’ of those crap feelings but I haven’t. I’ve stayed strong and that’s all that matters.
I’ve handed my notice in at work and I’ll be moving back home to be with friends and family in a few weeks. Until then, I’ll try and get back into my routine and sort myself out. Sorry for the short post but it’s just a stepping stone in getting back to it all.
Thanks for reading.