A mother’s perspective

I don’t think people realise how much problem drinking effects family members. Not only has my health improved since I stopped drinking but my mum’s has as well. I’ve always had a close relationship with my mum and she’s the one I go to with ALL my problems (sometimes that isn’t a good thing – haha!). You know when people say things to you in life and they really stick with you? Well, one day I was on the phone to my mum basically begging her to get help for me. Some days I was so depressed I’d have suicidal thoughts. I never would end my life – it was always a cry for help but the fact I was in that situation just shows what I was doing to myself. I remember my mum crying and pleading with me “well, if you’re not going to do it for yourself, do it for me”. Those words stick with me and every day I start to struggle I remind myself that I’m not just doing this for me but I’m doing it for my family as well. I just wish my lovely dad was still here to witness it!

I’m not really sure what to say about this but it’s not very nice for me to read. Here’s what my mum has to say about my drinking days …

I am so blessed to have you as my daughter. I cannot believe how honest and truthful you are in these posts. I know what a difficult journey it has been for you so far because I shared that journey with you for years. I am not sure that other people realise what a big effect it has on a family when someone in the family is an out of control drinker. I can only speak of the effect it had on me. Every social event was a worry for me because I knew it would end up with you being drunk and becoming a pain in the backside, just wanting one more drink before you left the party. Many times, even though it had been arranged for you to come home with me I had to leave you because trying to encourage you to leave made you argumentative and difficult. However, the thing that upset me most was seeing people avoid you because you were really drunk and making outrageous comments. Your immediate and extended family tolerated you because they love you but other people just avoided you. The number of times you have refused to come back with me and then rang me to pick you up at 2 and 3 o’clock in the morning are too many to count. I always came for you because when you were so drunk you were vulnerable and I was concerned for your safety. I am ashamed to say that I was sometimes relieved if you didn’t come to the social events because I was able to enjoy myself without worrying about your behaviour. I think I realised you had a real problem with alcohol when you lived in Huddersfield and you started with severe anxiety and depression. I used to get the Sunday morning phone call when you would be crying on the phone saying how depressed you were, you would also tell me about how much money you had spent on alcohol over the weekend and I realised you must have been drinking a hell of a lot of beer/wine for you to spend that much money. At that time you had come out of a long term relationship and I thought that was the cause of your depression. How you fooled me time and time again when I said you need to stop drinking and you would say that I didn’t understand because I didn’t drink. I am actually a very occasional drinker but could easily not drink at all. I remember one occasion when you decided that you were going to attend an AA meeting in Huddersfield but you didn’t want to go on your own so I said I would come with you. I drove to Huddersfield, an hour’s drive away from my home and then you decided it wasn’t a problem at all. We went out for a meal and whilst I had one coke you had three pints of lager with your meal!!! Where I live is a small town and everyone knows everyone else and when I was in the town people used to tell me they had seen you out at weekend, some also told me you had rung them in the early hours of the morning but they had ignored the call because they knew you would be drunk. In fact you were the life and soul of the party on your own or when you were with people who were also drunk but I would come home quite depressed and cry because I didn’t want you to be known as a local drunk. All this time I tried to feel positive and tried to realise I could just be there for you but every time the phone rang and your name came up I used to think oh no what’s happened now. I have a long term partner and when I met him you were 21 and not really drinking too much at that time. In the years since when you have been depressed/drunk and out of control he has tried to be patient but it has sometimes impacted on my relationship with him. One day when things were really bad with your drinking I suddenly thought that this is too much, he never signed up for this. However he really cares about you and he has also tried to talk to you and help you mainly because he knew how upset I had been. Life without you drinking has proved to be a revelation, I can now sleep without worrying about you, I don’t worry when the phone rings and I am revelling in seeing the daughter I knew was there all the time.

So there you go. I definitely don’t want to go back to those days!

Had a crappy day today so I bought a new hat and booked myself a holiday with the money I’ve saved not drinking!

My blood tests came back and everything is now fine – it only took 3 months sober! I’m vitamin D deficient but the holiday will sort that out 😉

Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Xxx

9 thoughts on “A mother’s perspective

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  1. You have a mum in a million Claire , and knowing her like I do , I know how immensly proud she will be of you , stay strong and keep up the good work , you’re amazing x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can empathize completely with your mum. It was my son with a problem however he would get violent and I would have him arrested(not easy to do) but it was for my safety. Two family party’s he finished up getting arrested because the drink and his aggression was unbearable. He has been done twice for drink driving but at last he’s on the road to recovery and has been sober for 7 months so I can start to relax and pray we don’t go back to those dark days. Yes the family all suffer.

    Liked by 2 people

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