My Recovery So Far

So I’ve given you my reasons for why I quit drinking and now I’ll tell you why I was drinking. I didn’t actually realise why I drank until someone asked me recently.

Like a lot of other people I started experimenting with alcohol when I was about 13/14. A group of us used to go up the local park with our litre bottle of Woodpecker cider (everyone starts with cider then don’t touch it again once it’s made them sick!) and bottles of 20/20 – those were the days! I’ve always struggled with anxiety but not many people know and from the responses I’ve had I come across a confident person! Haha. So, the drinking went on like it does for a lot of people during their teens and early 20’s then when I reached about 25 I started suffering with anxiety pretty bad, or at least that’s when I realised it was anxiety. I once went for a job interview but didn’t manage to get there because I had a panic attack. I had quite a few over the years; they’re horrendous and make you feel like you’re going to die. Long story short, these panic attacks and lots of other symptoms went on for a few years and I still get some of them now. I know how to deal with them these days as I went for CBT which really worked for me, eventually. So I quickly learnt that having a bit of dutch courage took the anxiety away. Nothing wrong with that if it’s the odd occasion but I ended up doing it more or less every weekend and at times it was to deal with every day usual situations. The hangover got a hold of me and made me feel like I couldn’t cope so I’d have a drink to ease the pain. I even did it before I went to a wedding that started at 11am! The classic was definitely ‘hair of the dog’ and that would be every weekend. Here we go:-

1. To ‘deal’ with anxiety
2. Hair of the dog
3. Boredom
4. To ‘deal’ with depression
5. Anger
6. To improve my mood
7. Confidence
8. Peer pressure
9. To ‘deal’ with stress
10. I liked the feeling of being pissed
11. I LOVED red wine
12. I LOVED Irish coffee
13. Because it’s easily accessible and I could

Obviously, over the years my anxiety and stress got worse and I developed other symptoms from the lifestyle I was living. Over the last few years I was drinking in excess of 70 units of alcohol a week at least (the guidelines say no more than 14 per week for women) and that’s not good to say I didn’t drink every day. There’s 10 units in a bottle of wine in case you’re trying to work that out. A few months ago at my first attempt to get sober I did 15 days then cocked it all up – I put away 2 bottles of red wine and 10 bottles of beer within a 10 hour period. It makes me feel sick when I think about it now. Over the years this has all had a significant effect on my health, career, finances and relationships. I even entered disastrous relationships with people just because I knew they lived a similar lifestyle or would just put up with it – BIG MISTAKE!

Now I’m not drinking I’ve got a steady job and just been told they’re extending my contract, I’ve sorted my finances out, I’m sorting my health out and fitter than I’ve been in a long time – I just need to find a nice lady! I know she’s out there somewhere, haha!

Love to you all ♥