I’ve really struggled this week and it’s the first time I’ve had thoughts about drinking since I stopped. I thought about why it might be. Obviously the fact it was the anniversary of my dad’s birthday on Saturday hasn’t helped. I’m probably only just dealing with the grief of his death and the sadness of it all properly now as other years I’ve hit the bottle and drowned my sorrows. I had some crap news at the doctors as well about some damage I’ve done to myself through drinking but it’s repairable so all good! Apparently it’s not unusual to have these ‘having a drink’ feelings around 4 months sober so I’m just trying to go with it. I don’t want a drink and I’m not going to have one … it’s just a weird feeling I’m getting. I’ve spoken with people who’ve been through similar and they seem to know what I’m talking about so I guess it’s ‘normal’.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering about the title. I got a shitty message today from some idiot basically saying that I’m an attention seeker and congratulating me on not killing myself. “Do you want a medal?” he said. I cannot for the life in me think of why someone would want to go to the effort of sending that message knowing that they’re probably going to cause some sort of upset. How do these people get a kick out of doing that? I get a kick out of complimenting people and leaving nice comments just in case it makes that person feel great for a minute. Obviously he’s another little keyboard warrior after a bit of attention but, why???!!! I’ve a sneaky suspicion he’s got a drink problem himself so maybe it’s just out of jealousy. Whatever it is, it blows my mind that someone would want to be so nasty to someone else who is clearly having a hard time. I’m one of the lucky ones, thankfully. I had the best upbringing I could wish for. My parents taught me what respect is and my mum always told be to treat people how I’d like to be treated myself. I’ve always tried to stick to this and although I do speak my mind (which sometimes gets me into trouble) people who actually know me know I would be mortified if I ever unintentionally upset someone – even if it’s a stranger! I say unintentionally because sometimes some people deserve a good telling. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, if you’ve nothing nice to say, say nothing at all and keep your shitty thoughts to yourself. I don’t rant very often but I feel better after letting it all out.
I’m going for blood tests tomorrow so hopefully the next post will include good news!
Keep spreading the love, people! Xxx